Sunday, July 26, 2009

Zen and Kool-Aid Man

Yeah, I don't know what I'm thinking, so I figure I'd best sort my thoughts out here and now. Here goes nothing.

Koans. That's the "zen" part of my title. I was just thinking about those things, like "What is the sound of one hand clapping?" and "If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, does it still make a sound?" I have the answers. Respectively, they are:

1. a quiet sound, like the wet wrinkly foot of an old person hitting the linoleum of the kitchen floor on a chilly end-of-August morning as they get up to make some cinnamon hot chocolate.

2. yes. but you don't deserve to hear it, so that's why you don't.

And you must accept those answers. I thought of them very recently and they are completely correct. Ne question pas le zen cerveau de moi!!! Now, I am going to leave the zen portion for today.

Kool-Aid Man--kreepy name, kreepy spelling. He's creepy. (kreepy??) He's not cool (kool??), and what's up with him bursting through walls and no one gets upset? And he can do flips and skate-board with no helmet and none of his icy (iky??) kool-aid spills. I always knew the laws of physics don't apply to tall people... even if they are just large animated freaks in bad commercials attempting to market disgusting sugar-filled juice (juike??) products (produkts??). (Yeah, I am going to stop replacing all "c"s with "k"s now. Thank you for enduring that.)

Not to mention, Kool-Aid Man gives out kool-aid. Doesn't he feel like he's losing brethren as each child sips away filthy red liquid from opaque plastic cups? Maybe he's a cannibal, because that would make sense. OOOORRRRRRR, more likely, Kool-Aid Man has an evil plot that requires him to give out samples of his nauseating, repelling goods, and somehow we will all soon be enslaved by talking pitchers and domesticated parrots (who, as the History Channel so interestingly informed me, will be taking over in large flocks once we humans are gone).

So that settles the matter! Don't buy Kool-Aid ever again, or else you alone will be responsible for the destruction of life as we know it! No, I am NOT overreacting!

Also, if you'd like to use the spare time you now have because you are no longer buying kool-aid, you can tell me your favorite koan in a comment and I will answer it for you. :)

PS: I've ALREADY HEARD the one about "If a man talks in a forest, and no woman is around to hear him, is he still wrong?" The answer is long and complicated. I refuse to explain it to people who probably don't want to know anyway.

Thursday, July 9, 2009


I will now proceed to tell a few random things about myself.

I don't know if I've told you before, but some of my dreams have a habit of coming true. Maybe you remember the Stone-Lab-Slideshow-Dream Incident?? I dreamt that the teacher took a picture of people playing frisbee among some large trees, and that the one person (name not to be mentioned) was running into a tree, and there I was in the background, blurry, but recognizable by my bright pink jacket, and the picture was in a slideshow at the end of the year--and I told all of the people present about this dream, so they can vouch for me if anyone thinks I'm crazy. And it came true.

2. I enjoy creating acronyms. Some may recall "T.O.A.S.T. (Teens Offering A Supply of Toasters) for France", which was my charity idea so that French people could have toast. Because my French teacher told me that it is exceedingly rare for French people to eat sliced bread. So maybe if they all had toasters, they'd buy sliced bread. At the time I came up with this acronym, I had been having an obsessive craving for toast which has mostly passed at the present time.

3. I want a winter home in Alaska--and please, don't tell me that the 19 straight hours of darkness will depress me, or I'll die due to lack of Vitamin D, because I will make sure to eat lots of broccoli and I love the stars, so 19 hours is plenty of time for star-gazing. I'll love it, truly. Plus, does anyone else just feel more alive, and vividly awake at night? In the dead of the darkness with no one else around and everything is still and all you can think is that the world could have ended and it would feel no different from this? There is something strange and interesting about nighttime that I love very much.

4. I have a Christmas list forming in my mind at this very moment. No that is NOT wrong, it's not like it's January! It's JULY people! Think of CHRISTMAS IN JULY!!! Anyway, here's my immediate list:

- a real evergreen tree, not the fake one from our basement, to hang ornaments on
- spearmint candy canes, because they taste better than peppermint
- mandolin, because I've been wanting one for almost 2 years now
- a job, so that I can make money without knitting (which gets vvvvveeeerrrryyyy old, very fast)
- gift cards for iTunes and Barnes&Noble, because I love both music and books. Lots and lots of books. And music.

Alright, I guess that's all I'm willing to divulge at the present. Maybe I'll do this again sometime. Tell me your thoughts on my thoughts!! :)

PS: That was me, subtly hint-hint-hinting to LEAVE A COMMENT!! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!! (And you know I know who you are. And I know you know I know who you are. And you know I know you know I know who you are....)

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Independence Day (not the movie!)

OK, I know you all must think I'm seriously depressed or messed up or something after my last post, and I haven't written in a while, I have not been very inspired. But today is July Fourth. A year ago, I was in Virginia, REMEMBER? :) At the time, almost an exact year ago (it will be exactly ONE YEAR in approximately eight hours or something, I'll have to check...), I was typing on the computer in my cousin's room and listening to my uncle tell my little cousins all about the Declaration of Independence, etc. etc. It was nice. I miss them, wish I could have gone again this summer, 'cuz there's a NEW little cousin now, her name is Julia Elizabeth. Not to be said together or anything, but the names Julia and Elizabeth sound so nice together I think I'll call her that until she's old enough to ask me to stop.

What I miss most about VA, besides my family, is probably shopping with my cousins' cousin who was about my age. And seeing that GUY. (Yes, yes, THAT one, if you know who I'm talking about, good for you! If not, you probably weren't meant to know....) Oooh, I'd travel twelve hours with my brother and sister and parents all talking in the car if he'd still be there. I seriously would. And for those of you who have met my sister at her worst, you know that means a whole lot more than you could interpret if you HAVEN'T met my sister at her worst. So yeah, it basically means I'd accept death than never see HIM again.... :) Strong words coming from me, you all know. Too bad though, I have to stay stuck where I am. Play tennis. Plan evil obnoxious outings. Make fun of lame movies. Wonder why Global Warming has caused all the bugs to virtually disappear for this summer--seriously, what's the deal??

Anyway, my rambling on has gone on forever now, and I'm much much better than my previous post, thanks to everyone, you guys are my friends for a reason. :) (Yes I still miss him; no not HIM-HIM, see my last post if you're confused about who I'm talking about.)