Story of My Life: July 2008

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

My Life as Wallpaper (a BlogBook by me); Introduction

I'm wallpaper in person. I am quiet, shy, and totally invisible. I love it. I can be as loud as I like here, because even if I scream not the whole world hears. But when wallpaper screams, we all scream. So I am silent. But I learn more this way. I never get bored, because I know more about people than most of them do. I can talk to you for ten seconds and guess almost your whole life. I know more secrets about you than you, your best friend, or your parents ever could. Secrets you didn't know you had that just jump out to me like screaming wallpaper.

It's not boring as wallpaper. It's fun and i never get lonely. But I like changes. So while I'm not quite screaming, I'm taking in a breath as I write these chapters of my BlogBook. By the time it's done, maybe you'll scream with me. Watch for the first Chapter, coming soon!

Thanks to Avian Fang for the brilliant springboard I'm sure you didn't know you gave me. The rest of you: COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT! : )

Tragedies That Have Occurred to Me While I was Making Eggs

~ I left a paper towel over the panful of eggs on the stove, and didn't realize the stove was still ON under my eggs. So of course I freaked and was pretty T.O.'ed that my breakfast was sitting charred and soggy at the bottom of my trash can. I was nine years old. Both tragic and traumatic.
~ More recently, I was opening that can of cooking oil you spray on the pan to keep your food from sticking to it. The red dot was off from where the spray would leave the nozzle, so I tried to turn it, because we all know it wouldn't work otherwise. Well, this can made an exception and sprayed me in the face. My eye was in some mild pain after that.
~ On the same day of the spray can incident, I accidently put too much spray oil in the pan. This angered the Almighty Egg Gods, or maybe the Gods Against Wasteful Mortals Organization of Holy-terror/Punishment (G.A.W.M.O.H.P. for short) and anyway, my fit dose of bad karma was for the currently sizzling egg to pop a little piece of itself at my eyelid. That was a cause of some extreme eye-pain after that, followed with a vicious stabbing and eating of the egg in question. Needless to say, unless I want a larger list, I am now a cereal person.
~ A few days ago (as of 2/5/09) I was making frozen waffles, and the syrup was new and wouldn't come out. There was no paper tab thing to remove, so I just leaned my head over the bottle--like the idiot you see in bad comedies and wonder"How could they THINK that was a good idea?"--and squeezed the syrup bottle. Long-ish story short, I got syrup in my eye, nose, ear, and hair. Not pleasant!
~ a word of advice to those of you looking for more stuff on this list: See my other blog page. It's called "The Secret Organization of GAWMOHP". Have fun!

Story of My Life

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

My Life as Wallpaper (a BlogBook by me); Introduction

Music!

About Me

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Tragedies That Have Occurred to Me While I was Making Eggs